


Who He Loved and the Monster He Was

by gretabridge



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-03-14 08:43:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gretabridge/pseuds/gretabridge
Summary: Life is never linear.Remus' life in moments.





	1. Hogwarts Part I

Remus’ first kiss was with a Hufflepuff boy. 

His name was Freddy.

It was in the winter of his second year, in an empty classroom. 

“I love you, Remus,” Freddy said.

Remus was silent. He just kissed him.

They didn't touch, besides lips. Their hands were by their sides.

Afterwards, Remus went back to his room and cried. He didn't know why. 

Remus’ second kiss was with a Slytherin girl. 

Her name was Essie. 

When he told her that he had kissed a boy before she asked him, “What are you, then?”

Remus didn't know what to say. So he just kissed her.

Freddy and Essie were very similar. They both had dark eyes and hair, and they both were very tall. They were nice. But thats all they were. Nice people with nice lips and Remus was confused.

Remus wondered if this was what love was meant to be- nice, but plain.

******

Remus lost his virginity to Essie. Two years later. They were both very different by then, but both still virgins.

She left the room after and Remus wondered if things were supposed to feel different now. If he was supposed to see the world in brighter colors or something. He only felt guilty, though, like he was going to hell… or something. 

He wondered if this was how everyone felt, or if it was just him.

******

Remus woke up. He was hurting all over. It was the winter of his forth year. It was the day after a full moon.

“Remus,” a voice said quietly. It was Sirius. 

“Remus, are you alright?” he asked. 

“Yes,” said Remus. (This was not true.)

Sirius sighed.

They were in the hospital wing. 

Remus whispered something incoherent, and then slipped back into sleep. 

Sirius smiled.

******

Remus made lists. Most of them were written down, but some existed only in his head. It was the winter of his first year. He began a list called, “Things I Wish I Could Tell Sirius.”

1\. I am a werewolf.

The list stayed this short for several months, until Remus kissed Freddy, when the next item was added:

2\. I like boys.

The list changed again when Remus kissed Essie.

3\. I like girls, too.

Remus wondered if this was all there was to himself- who he loved and the monster he was.


	2. Hogwarts Part II

The Lupins had a car. It was old, rusted, and run by magic. But it was car nonetheless. Lyall Lupin taught Remus to drive the summer after Remus’ third year. 

“Every wizard and witch should learn to drive. Its not just for Muggles,” Lyall said. 

Remus was a good driver.

He loved to listen to music and roll the windows down and drive, as though he was a normal kid. 

******

Lyall Lupin loved chess. He taught Remus how to play when he was about five years old.

Remus was a good chess player. Prodigal, almost. 

He started beating Lyall around when he turned six. 

******

Remus was tall. Taller than Sirius by a few centimetres. Taller than James by a little more. Taller than Peter by a head or more. Remus was very tall.


End file.
